Blast it

06.12.13 introspection

For the past few days, I have had the weird constant nudging feeling that something was wrong, that something was about to happen. This morning, I woke up feeling sick, drained, depressed, all the way down to the negative side of my life scale. Can barely put in proper words the deep turmoil smashing my inner world. I am on edge, highly sensitive, ridiculously affected by small little means… what on earth is wrong with me?

 I am not saying I suddenly got the “eureka” feeling of a light bulb all of a sudden being electrified into life. I am simply wondering about all the nonsense, and the deep sense events in my past these past 32 years. I am not getting any younger, nor will I lie to myself pretending that. I am fighting to keep my head above water and at the same time, I am fighting without truly being fully conscious of it for the life of my dreams and desires and hopes which were considered long since gone in the midst of all the drama of which that movie called « my life » has been the scene.

I am not complaining. I no longer am. It serves nothing if not affect my life even more and make me totally sick, tired, a mere sight of a human being. I am not complaining, just admitting to myself that I know I am in pain, I know I have seen more than I would have wished of the dark side, that I have gone far away from the path I wanted, the path I thought I wanted. Yet… at the same time, I still have in me that light with which I was born, that light telling me that I am not just a mere skeleton walking by the means of air going through my lungs. I am far more, far much more than that. I am a being of purpose, a being of heart, of soul, of infinity.

 This page is just an open diary to my state of mind today. Read it if you please. Comment if you wish. Yet my goal is reached. Sharing was, is, will always be the key.

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