Creatures of our own making

I am at a state of awe at human’s evilness. I just don’t get it, can’t get it, do not want to get that reality. I cannot understand it, cannot let it get to me, yet cannot move beyond it without setting the records straight and finding a semblance of answer as to WHY HUMAN BEINGS ARE SO EVIL. No I am not going to accept the excuse that we were overpowered by bad, that no matter how disgusting a situation may be right under our nose, we are such “fragile” beings that we cannot fight it. We CHOOSE to let evil take over, choose to believe the disturbing lies, and choose to take the pill that seemed easier to swallow. It is a conscious and constant choice: lie and keep the pretense, lie and drive another insane, lie and make another being feel like he/she is the worthless one, lie and keep on complaining, lie and hide behind further lies, lie and keep on lying over and over and over until the cup is overflowing so much the lie drown us and block the air and run in our blood and suffocate the life out of us.

I am angry, so very angry. Any logical being with a minimum of sense can see that flowing wave floating above each letter. I am so very angry and hurt and pained and confused and … No word actually exists to exactly translate my state of mind at the chosen evilness some people are fornicating with. No they are not blind. Yes they are fully aware of their actions and actually “plan” the aftermath of each action. They have a back up plan for the back up plan to screw someone else’s life and drive them to madness. And when the proverbial shit hits the fan, when Karma actually steps in, when Life brings back what was sown…. Oh yeah, everyone goes around running like a bunch of crazy ants wondering why oh why the world is coming to an end, why oh why such tragedy. Really now? What kind of audacity is that?

Again I am asking, why have we become so evil? We preach about good, pretend to act good, say we love good, say we love because of good, seem to portray good, but deep down… No stone or prayer or chants or pilgrimage or salt baths or magic potion or anything you wish to name can cure us and cleanse us. And don’t even dare knock on my door with the free-will excuse. It is time we grow some and admit that we are creatures of our own making.

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Nonsense

I came to realize this morning that I haven’t written anything in a while. I am not talking about poetry or quotes, but rather deep, insightful, long texts. I am not quite sure how I came to realize this or why. I only feel a strong need to disappear for a while, close all doors and cocoon myself. I feel a deep urge to block all and hide in order to nurture myself and protect myself from the negativity currently raging. The negativity…

This morning, after having my day’s read, the first thing that said “hello” as I opened my phone was a video of the most disturbing nature. What is going on in the world? Maybe this is why I can no longer write: Too much negativity. I just can no longer find it in me to turn the darkness into light, to pull a lesson from each situation, to dig into the mud for the hidden pearl… Perhaps it is time to plunge in the darkness, take it all in so it can no longer affect me. Maybe it is time to stop fighting and simply let things be. Whatever good there is will for sure remain good with or without our help… Isn’t that what we tell ourselves as an excuse for us not doing anything in the face of adversity? Isn’t that what we say to make ourselves feel better for not providing any assistance to someone in need? We pretend so well… We pretend so much… It seems like it is far harder to genuinely smile than it is to scold someone for not meeting our standards… And what standards? Those of a hypocritical society gone mad over nonsense. It doesn’t matter if you commit suicide because you just can’t take it anymore. It doesn’t matter if you are wearing a belt full of little pieces of sharpened glass eating out your skin whenever you move just so you can actually “feel” something. It doesn’t matter if you let yourself be used and beaten by strangers only because you are in extreme lack of attention. It only matters that you keep the image intact and well preserved, golden and shining so the world may look upon you and wish they had just an inch of your shine. Total nonsense.

I am very close to taking a bow and hide in the woods, for at least there I wont have to pretend that the hurt does not exist; that my heart is not bleeding senselessly; that my soul is not craving for something out of this world; that my entire body, though not covered in scars, does not bears the marks of so many lashes I can barely hold it together.

Have we truly reached the point where humans are no longer humans? Have we truly reached the point where our own race wishes to stay as far away as possible just to be able to breathe? I wonder… Perhaps it is indeed time for me to step away in order to find myself and prevent myself from losing myself in all this nonsense.

Face your truth

You reach a point in life where you are just in the know, where you know the truth, your truth. Where you can no longer hide behind all the “fakeness” and the excuses. Where you are forced to admit your wrongs and misconceptions. There is no way out of that. No matter how much you may run from it, manage to keep so busy your mind can barely function, use all possible coverage to delay the inevitable self-analysis… There comes this time, this scared-to-your-gut terrifying moment where all rushes to the surface and you find it hard to breathe, hard to even remember your own name.

All the cover up, the make up, the pretenses, the turning-your-head-the-other-way tactics simply become pointless. Because You. Have. To Face. Your Truth. It is almost as if someone turned on a switch and all you had been hiding from came rushing back, bouncing right up your heart, making it beat so fast, you fear a heart attack. It is like you were watching a movie only playing in your mind and digging through your worst, very worst moments, those very moments you wished to stay clear of. You then cry. And whenever you think you have seen it through, whenever you think you have dried it all out and there can no longer be any water left in you for one last drop to fall even to save your life…. well the flood comes right back and you witness your eyes pouring water as if sweating off a 3 hour nonstop run up a mountain and your lungs ready to explose from lack of air.

You find yourself rummaging through lost artifacts and trophies and mementos which once held so much importance you had not dared think of your life without them. Yet at that very moment, all you can do is wish you could get one of those miracle erasers and wipe it all out, start new, forget what you had lived and hit that rewind button to get a chance, another shot at life… As if that were even possible…

Do you dare wonder how you will face this horrific yet so necessary moment of truth? … Or… Do you rather use the wait and see formula so much easier to swallow?

Take a pause

Life has us running in all directions trying to figure out the how and what of things, trying to make sense of senseless, trying to build our “self” from nothingness. We never stop, never pause, never take a break to ask ourselves the questions that truly matter. All we do is rush and push and run and climb and fall and complain and fight and again rush, push, run, climb… A never-ending cycle.

There comes a time indeed when we desperately need to press the pause button, a time when we need to stop all and face what we claim to value. May these solitary moments be chosen or imposed by Life, there is no escaping them. We are so inclined to run from one thing to the next that we hardly ever take time to acknowledge just how drained we are. It is as if we are running away from our own lack… of what? We can’t even answer that.

We worry about actually “looking” busy, important, in charge, in control… we worry over the image the world has of us, over the way they will evaluate our worth… How ridiculous isn’t it? Yet it is the reality of things… isn’t it? Stop right there! Stop the lies, the excuses, the pretenses. Stop building up your case as if you were preparing to be judged by the high council of Life over who you are and what you have done with your life. Nobody truly cares! Best put that in your mind.

Each person is far too busy over looking great and successful and extraordinary to truly notice if you aren’t doing anything. Each person is far too worried about keeping a certain image, a certain standard, a certain level in this madness of a society that you can fool just about any of those blind sheep by simply painting yourself in shiny matters even if underneath absolutely nothing can hold you together. Haven’t you realized that the questions asked are only about material things? Your studies, your degrees, your titles, your net earnings, your status, your possessions, how far you have gone, how the external world views you, what influence you have in the “popular” circles of the apparent worldly wealthy ones… and you think it is because they care? Wake up!!! They are only looking for a scale to compare their own greatness. If you fail to answer as expected, they suddenly feel over-the-top as they are by all means superior to your achievements. If you mention something they haven’t thought of doing themselves, be ready for it! A hidden knife will be pulled behind the apparent congratulations and the “why only this” type of questions will pop out of nowhere to bust your bubble… that is if you had doubts about your self worth.

It is extraordinary to notice just how confused people get when your answer is not based on material things but rather on soul, on values, on inner riches. It is almost as if this inner world we all know does exist no matter how we strive to ignore it, this inner world we call soul, it is almost as if it is the dark castle in all of the fairy tales and horror movies invented by man: something to avoid inevitably as if it didn’t exist… but same as those fairy tales and scary movies, you can only find your true treasures, your true peace, your true worth, by going through these dark dens, by facing your darkest fears.

No matter how well trained of a runner you may be, life will catch up at a time or another. So why not decide to voluntarily take that pause and deep-dive in your inner dark seas? You will for sure be surprised by what you will find: of course a few rotten skeleton you thought you have left way behind, but also unexpected splendors this materialistic world if forcing us to ignore, unexpected greatness resting within each of us.

 

2006 – 2018… Tout un voyage…

Entre l’écriture et moi… Une histoire de passions, de déchirements, d’angoisses, de séparations amères et de retrouvailles enivrantes… Une histoire toujours inachevée…

Dans mon “ERRANCE”, cherchant à guérir de mes blessures, je me suis “MISE-A-NUE”. Il est parfois bénéfique d’interrompre le silence par le cri de nos émotions “UNVEILED”. Ainsi ai-je compris combien la vie était “PHENOMENA“.

Après un temps de pauses et d’introspections, j’ai pu immortaliser mes “EPHEMERIDES”. Je me suis tournée vers la spiritualité avec un “COEUR EN VEILLE”, cherchant à comprendre le sens du tumulte en moi. Ne voulant rien oublier de mon vécu, j’ai retracé les “VISAGES IMMORTELS”, ce qui m’a porté à admettre l’aspect plutôt “PECULIAR” de mon existence.

Suite à un arc-en-ciel d’événements et d’émotions sans précédent, je me livre donc “HEART & SOUL” à la Puissance régissant l’univers. Dans l’espoir de réponses, mes pas me porteront peut-être vers les souvenirs d’antan pour admettre mes “CONFUSIONS”, confronter mes “ILLUSIONS” et traverser mes “NUITS BLANCHES”. “IRONIE ET SARCASME” font pourtant le poids sur la balance… Tout a sa raison d’être… ou de ne point être…

L’existence est une pièce à “DOUBLE FACE”. Il faut savoir quand avancer et quand se tourner vers les ARCHIVES du temps d’autrefois… Le plus important, peu importe la route, l’expérience ou les charges s’imposant, il ne faut point perdre de vue que la clef de toute existence reside dans la recherche de “KLETE NAN KALVE”. Aussi l’âme, traversant les diverses étapes et tribulations de cette existence, garde-t-elle sa nature UNTAMED, pure et intacte.